Talking to My Daughter About Race and Hate

I saw the dash cam footage from Sandra Bland's arrest yesterday, and it was the tipping point. I need to figure out a way to talk to my daughter about race relations in America. I can't believe it's 2015 and I still have to do this.

I also can't believe it's taken me this long. The past several months have been especially filled with instances of racially-motivated brutality, violence, and incivility. And I think it's time that my oldest child understands the kind of world she lives in.

I thought I was doing fine just not ever mentioning race to her. It never seems to cross her mind, so why should I put it on her radar?

There was one black boy in my daughter's kindergarten class. Once, when she was describing him for one reason or another, she said something like, "You know, the boy with brown eyes. And he usually wears blue shirts." I thought her lack of reference to his skin tone meant I was doing my job right. And maybe it did then, who knows?

But now, I feel the need to tell her that, as much as I don't want her to see any difference between herself and that one little boy in her class, there is a difference.

She may not have been born into a life of wealth, but she was born into a body that provides certain privileges.

I don't know anything about the situation the little boy was born into, but I know that he was born into a body that will make life harder for him than for my daughter.

There will be assumptions made about both of them based on their appearances. But the one's about my daughter aren't likely to lead to undeserved incivility, unprovoked brutality, or senseless murder.

I want her to know that she shouldn't take the privilege she was born into for granted. I'll admit I have taken it for granted for a long time.

Because until very recently, it didn't feel like a privilege to be born into a sometimes struggling, uneducated, lower-middle class, white family. But it is a privilege. One that has allowed me to sit idly by, shaking my head at the racial nonsense around me and feeling like I was doing enough.

I'd like to figure out what to do to be proactive in this struggle. My first step is going to be figuring out how to talk to my daughter about it. I'm open to suggestions for my second step.