Basic Mom Week in Review - 03/20/16

5 Things That Actually Happened This Week and the Lessons I Learned

1. When I opened a cheese stick for my 2-year-old, I accidentally broke it in two. She reacted as if I had broken her leg in two.

Lesson: Saying, "Cool! Now you have two cheese sticks!" only makes things worse.

2. When I asked my 7-year-old what she ate while she was at her friend's house, she said, "Two Dove chocolates, Doritos, and some other kinds of shit [cough, cough] . . . CHIPS!"

Lesson: Though I really believe she meant to say "chips" and got her tongue twisted, I think what accidentally slipped out was probably more accurate.

3. My 7-year-old lost one of her front teeth at school a on St. Patrick's Day.

Lesson: When a tooth falls out on St. Patrick's Day, the Tooth Fairy gets a tooth filled with green sprinkles.

4. My 2-year-old met her sister's long-term sub for the first time. Here's what she said at her big moment:

"I go Grandma's house. Grandma have her teeth out!"

Lesson: My daughter makes my mom seem much older than her not-quite 55 years. (Side note: my mom had her wisdom teeth out a couple weeks ago, which, I believe, is what my 2-year-old was referring to.)

5. My husband made some reference to the possibility of "adult time," to which I replied that it depended on whether or not I received the frozen coke I was promised earlier in the day. Then he said the thing that all little girls dream of hearing when they grow up:

"I don't want this to sound bad, but if you were a prostitute, you'd be the cheapest one."

Lesson: There was no "adult time." But I did get my frozen coke.