8 Tips for Literal Parents
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Advice is everywhere when you are a parent. I thought it would be helpful if I sorted some of it out for you.
Here are 8 Tips for Literal Parents:
- Don't feed your baby a bottle. Plastic is not easily digested by little tummies (or any tummies, for that matter). I recommend feeding your baby formula or breastmilk instead.
- Don't circumcise your baby. I recommend letting a professional do that. That is, if it's something you would like done.
- Don't name your child after a relative. A few people suggested this when I was pregnant, but "after a relative" is a real mouthful. I'd suggest going with something more traditional or name-like.
- Don't become a helicopter parent or a tiger parent. Helicopters are loud and tigers are scary. I think your child would prefer if you remained a human parent.
- Don't let your partner read to your baby in the womb. It will be a real mess trying to get him in there, and in the end, he won't fit anyway. Trust me.
- Don't coddle your child. I'm pretty sure cooking a child in water that is just below the boiling point is illegal. At the very least, it's cruel.
- Don't change your baby just because he wet his diaper. Accept him for who he is, human urges and all. And then provide him with a clean diaper.
- Do use whiskey when your child is teething. Some people say you should apply it to your child's gums, but I don't see how that is useful. I recommend pouring it in a glass with a few ice cubes (and maybe a splash of Coke) and then transferring it into your own mouth.
I hope this was helpful! If you have any other advice for literal parents, please add it in the comments.
